With six weeks of waiting ahead I’ve been thinking about what to do with my time. My supervisor has called to check in with me a few times; short, awkward conversations in which I try to convey that I’m still motivated to work and he instructs me to rest and feel better. It’s silly really, I hardly have the emotional energy for the call with my supervisor, let alone my reading/writing work.
The point is, I’m having a hard time slowing down to allow my body to heal and regenerate. And I flat out refuse to deal with my lack of emotional energy. I’m just so caught up in getting back to normal as soon as possible, it’s hard to accept that it’s just not going to be normal for a while. I’m going to have that drain and all that comes with it for another six weeks and then I’m going to be more or less incapacitated for another month. That’s the way it is, and no matter how much I fret, that’s not going to change.
So in my efforts to calm down, I’m browsing through ‘The Tao of Equus’ by Linda Kohanov. I’ve been interested in Tao since I read ‘The Tao of Pooh’ on a lazy summer vacation in Croatia. When I came upon a book that incorporates horses and their training in the concept I was immediately intrigued. Now some of the book is new age ‘I can see dead people’-blah, but the parts that illustrate human and equine interactions are pretty interesting. Especially the concept of ‘Wu Wei’, which sort of means ‘doing nothing’, really applies to my situation (and incidentally the way I feel about handling animals).
So I’m sitting on my butt contemplating Wu Wei and playing LEGO batman, there’s a weird image.